Illumination: Like wearing a headlamp in a basement

Yesterday was the solar eclipse in Virgo. Boy did I feel some powerful "Get Shit Done!" Energy!

I started my day with getting bit by the bug to clean my basement. So I started by hitting up Costco, then grocery shopping before embarking upon my task. 

As a virgo, delegating tasks has always been a bit difficult for me. I like things done my way. But handling a household of three cats, two dogs and three humans, means I have to be willing to share the load.  The basement has been my husband's job.

Six years, two houses, two basements. Always "his job".

I hate basements. I think this partly stems from some of my early spiritual experiences where I often felt and saw a very dark force at play in my basement as a child. 

Now as an adult my basement reminds me of everything I've neglected. Everything I ignore and pretend doesn't exist until I'm forced to see it. 

My basement is full of boxes unpacked, cluttered with objects and memories forgotten about until they are resurrected periodically.  Cat boxes to tend to. Dust, cobwebs, spiders both alive and dead. God forbid dog messes and flooding.

I'm a little ashamed to admit that sometimes weeks would pass between trips downstairs. Forcing my husband to run laundry so I wouldn't have to deal with seeing them potential mess. 

Yesterday I put on my big girl pants and faced the basement.  I put on a mask, gloves and headlamp and wandered down to face the reality of how bad things had gotten. 

I encountered a lot of emotions while I cleaned. I was disgusted, frustrated, angry, sad, chills kept shooting down my spine. Yet I cleaned with joy in knowing that the state it was in, was no longer how it'd be.  

Sometimes the headlamp would hit a spot I'd cleaned only to show me a new crevice to clean full of spider eggs. I'd laugh and shudder, vacuum away and move onto the next spot.  I spent about 2 hours and cleaned only about 1/4 of the mess, but it was a big 1/4! 

This morning I realized how much the work I did yesterday reflects the work I've been doing in my life lately. 

My basement is my shadow side. I am taking a headlamp to the darkness, to shine light in all the nooks and crannies to help me clean and purge. I am illuminating the darkness to show me what needs to go. Some things I thought I took care of a long time ago. Some things I wasn't ready to see go.  I have found things I'm disgusted with and ashamed of. My spiderwebs, cobwebs and messes that resided for so long, ignored, but I've so longed for a clean slate. But the purge is happening.

Illumination gives me the ability to live in the space I desire. 

It is uncomfortable. It's entirely necessary.

I do not deny the existence of my shadow, I seek to love it with as much wholeness as I love the light.

 

 

 

Laurel Miller

Entrepreneur, Wife, Mom